The truth is self-confidence comes from repeated successes – think about that – is it true for you? If you are not confident and do not believe in yourself, then it is difficult for other people to believe or have confidence in you. Self-confidence helps you be happier, more successful, perform better at work, maintain healthy relationships at work and in your personal life...besides that people like to be around confident people – it shows!
What is your body language saying about you and your confidence? Be aware of these things that can make you appear less confident:
1. A weak handshake
2. Invading other people’s personal space
3. Crossing your arms in front of you
4. Playing with your hair or fingernails
5. Bad posture, slumped shoulders
6. Failing to make effective eye contact
7. Appearing like you’re not interested
8. Not smiling
10. Hiding your hands
Remember, your body language speaks volumes without you saying a word.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TO YOURSELF?
Negative self-talk - is that little voice in your ear trying to convince you, “I can’t do this?” Women say 3 times more words a day than men, on average. So as a result, women are 3 times more likely to say negative things to and about themselves!
Listen to what you are saying to yourself – is it true? Only to you. TIPS - Raise your self-awareness of that voice in your head and understand what is causing your self-doubt. Stop yourself, what can you do to prevent this from happening again? Come up with a short restatement of what happened, then say 3 positives, affirming things to yourself.
WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO OTHERS?
1/10 of a second…that’s all the time it takes to make that first impression! Think about how first impressions are made today – introductions via email, posts on your social media of choice, your resume, webinars, teleconferences, Zoom – all involving your written and/or spoken words. All of this represents your voice – who you are…your brand.
There are several ways we communicate that diminishes our power and perceived confidence:
1. When we speak powerfully, we think we might come across as less likeable, so we make disclaimers like, “I’m not an expert in this, but…”
2. Overuse of the word “just” – “I just think…” or “I’m just concerned about…” this undermines whatever brilliant point you offer after the word “just”.
3. Turning powerful statements into questions when spoken. This is referred to as uptalk… your voice pitch is raised at the end of a sentence and diminishes confident verbal communications.
4. Speaking or writing rambling, run on sentences or not pausing between sentences in a conversation. You can easily lose your reader/listener. Be thoughtful about your main message, choose your words wisely and pause.
Confidence for most of us comes because of repeated successes. Solving confidence issues by learning new skills and practicing them is a standard and easy solution for many people! Practice helps your confidence replace self-doubt.
So how much do you practice, feel very prepared but still don’t feel confident? We’ll continue this topic next week!
Martha Forlines, President, Belief System Instititue
This BLOG is a chapter from THE 28 DAY DIET BOOK