As we come to a close on the topic of emotional intelligence this week, I want to address the final component, social regulation. At this point in time, I hope you’ve come to realize that EQ is not a core competency taught in school, but one typically taught in a psychology, sociology and business management and leadership programs. Identifying emotions, processing them and responding appropriately to the emotions of others is a critical competency to have in your tool box, as a leader.
Social regulation has been described as the ability to influence the emotional clarity of others by being proficient in managing relationships and building networks. Those who have honed this component of EQ are strong leaders that motivate teams and organizations to success. To summarize, the five key areas for EQ are:
Let’s focus on the 5th component of EQ, social regulation — what it means and how to improve this competency in your professional and personal life.
Daniel Goleman explains that social regulation affects everything from work performance to even your romantic life. Identify areas of social interactions that may make you uncomfortable and reflect on what is causing your discomfort. Understanding how to manage these interactions with others can make a difference in the outcomes you want to achieve.
A common test of your social regulation is dealing with disagreement with an employee or peer. Now, if you shy away from confrontation, let’s look at a process that might help you.
- Identify and deal with emotions: Deal with the conflict and resulting emotions right away. Step away, process your emotions and then return to the problem. Don’t ignore the issue between you and your coworker. If you need more processing time, tell the person you are in a disagreement with, you will get back with them tomorrow.
- Address problems when you are calm: Once you have processed your own emotions allow your left brain to identify the conflict. Meet with your coworker, then make sure that you seek to reach an agreement on what the problem is. You can then propose solutions that are mutually beneficial. As a leader you can be empathetic without being a “push-over”.
- End on a cooperative note: Relationships work best when everyone is on the same page. Try to end on a positive note, be cooperative and work towards the same goal of resolving the issue.
Now not every interaction will be a conflict, and if you’re making it one, you need to examine your overall motivation and reactions. Day to day interactions involve meeting your employees where they are. You need to know how to resolve conflict with your team and peers by applying your emotional regulation, conflict management and leadership skills. Disputes are best resolved when you communicate what you want and to work toward a favorable resolution for both parties.
Additional EQ social competencies critical to leading others include:
- Persuasion and influencing
- Change management
- Building rapport
- Collaboration and cooperation - teaming
Hopefully you’ve been reading my posts this month on emotional intelligence and you’ve gotten tips on how to address building your EQ. If you’re still unsure of what to do and how to grow in this area, let’s connect.